Craving to Be Seen

A reflection on the cost of visibility, and the healing found in coming home to who you are.

I can honestly say that there was a period in my life when it felt really good to be seen in what felt like my fully expressed truth, but there was also a period when it felt good to feel seen, even if it meant compromising my dignity.

I grew up feeling unseen by the majority of my family. Not only did I feel unseen, but I was unfairly judged and labeled as the ‘black sheep’—the one responsible for the divide in our family. I do not doubt that my parents love me, but I only felt loved when I met their expectations of who I needed to be in this world. And as a first-generation Indian woman, the expectations placed upon me were heavy, and clashed with the culture of the country that I was raised in.

Feeling seen means that you are recognized. Being recognized leads to a sense of significance in this world. And the truth is… we are ALL seeking to feel significant.

Here’s an excerpt from my book, Potent Leadership, which offers more context for what I’m speaking about:

You’re chasing significance, validation, and approval because you have yet to approve of yourself, validate yourself, and find significance within yourself. As human beings, we all share the basic human need for love and belonging, and if we don’t feel that sense of love and belonging, we will unconsciously seek it out with whatever means necessary because our brains see this as a need for survival. Your chase for significance comes from a deep need for survival.

Your trauma, your wounds, your history… all this programming in your unconscious mind influences your actions, thoughts, and identity. You’ve trained yourself to seek what you need through external sources. And there’s no need to feel ashamed of this… in fact, drop the shame right now, because we are ALL seeking significance.

The reason you’re in this trap is that you’re seeking that sense of significance through external sources. But the truth is… you’ll never find the significance you seek as long as you are on this external chase. The significance you seek can only be established within you.

The trauma that I experienced growing up—of being unseen, gaslit, labeled the black sheep, and punished anytime I didn’t fulfill their expectations—led me to a constant chase of approval. I was desperate to feel loved, accepted, and seen, and that desperation took me down a path of complete self-destruction.

From abusive relationships to addiction to self-harm and suicide attempts… I was chasing what I thought meant to feel seen, when truthfully, I had yet to see myself.

Fast-forward to 2012 when I first hit rock bottom…

I just ended the most abusive relationship of my life, was addicted to drugs and alcohol, and was hanging onto threads of what I thought was my life. I embarked on my first deep journey of healing, which introduced me to the world of personal development. But my healing was shallow, as if my psyche wasn’t ready to meet the traumas that influenced my chaotic life.

I became physically healthier by working out daily, eating better, and reading personal development books. Still, my drug addiction became worse and led me to many precarious situations where I compromised my safety and my dignity. My desperation to feel seen outweighed my desire to see myself.

This resulted in me feeling more unseen than ever. And despite my large group of ‘friends’, I felt painfully alone in a chaotic world. I ended up publishing a blog under a pseudonym to express my true thoughts, as I felt it was unsafe to do so openly. It wasn’t until my now husband came into my life that I began to address my trauma and create change from within.

Finally, a man who saw me—the real me—the me that I had yet to see myself. I was an addict when we first met, but he didn’t know. I kept that a secret. The distance between us helped me remain secretive about my addiction as he lived in the U.S. and I was in Canada, but this secret was rooted in shame, and I honestly didn’t feel good enough for him.

I eventually quit using drugs and moved to the U.S. in 2013. We got married in 2014, marking the beginning of our life together. His ability to see me beyond my trauma helped me see myself, as if for the first time. At this time in my life and our marriage, neither of us was fully aware of the trauma that I had endured.

Like many people, I had tucked my trauma deep down inside the recesses of my being. This wasn’t a conscious bypassing of my trauma, but an unconscious safety mechanism that created a lot of dissociation in my life.

However, my husband saw through the identities I created to keep myself safe, and he recognized my caring nature, deep compassion, empathetic nature, and passionate drive. For the first time in my life, I felt seen by a man, and that provided profound healing medicine.

By November 2014, I reached a state of total sobriety by ending my relationship with alcohol, and I embarked on a new journey to become a certified life coach. My entire life became devoted to personal development and transformation. After everything that I had experienced, I was inspired to help others feel seen and less alone on their journeys by sharing my story and offering support.

Once I became a certified life coach, I began putting myself out there in significant ways, gaining visibility quickly by having my writing published in prominent media outlets, being interviewed on numerous podcasts, and consistently sharing my content and videos. Visibility was the game, and I was conquering it.

Finally, I felt seen. But what I didn’t realize at the time was that this was a similar flavor of desperation, one that felt a little sneakier than what I had experienced in the past.

Social media has and continues to gain momentum.

Video content continues to grow.

Leaders in the personal development and transformational spaces are being pedestalized and Guru-ized.

The ever-changing algorithms make it even more challenging to connect.

The introduction of AI is creating more distortion than clarity.

And service continues to be sacrificed for a sense of notoriety by those claiming to be of service.

I never fit into the personal development cliques or transformational tribes because I always felt like an outcast. Rather than have my phone out to capture stories of me and my insta-famous peers, I was trying to cultivate a deep connection with those around me. It was due to this difference in energy that I was left feeling unseen, as if I didn’t matter, and my work wasn’t as significant as theirs. But I didn’t let that stop me… and that’s where a new sense of desperation snuck in.

I was insanely driven, and my success continued to grow. From facilitating 100-person live events in Los Angeles to hosting a top podcast and being featured on over 100 other podcasts, people began to notice me, and I felt significant, as if my voice mattered. But this feeling was disguised under the concept of being fully expressed and owning my voice. And my drive… that was heavily influenced by the programming installed within my childhood… that to be loved by my Dad, I needed to be successful—someone that he could be proud of.

I didn’t think I was chasing significance, nor did I think I was desperate to be seen. After all, this was the first time in my life where I felt like I was fully expressing my truth and unapologetically sharing my voice… or so I thought.

This is the predicament that many of us face at one time or another… the unconscious battle to feel seen and significant. Social media only amplifies this with the algorithm and other features such as the like, follow, and subscribe buttons. Many have over-coupled their use of social media with their self-worth, and that comes at a cost.

As I’ve shared before, a shock trauma in 2022 led me to walk away from my business slowly. Piece by piece, I began letting it all go… the podcast, mastermind, ceremonial work, and eventually, my private clients. The recent traumatic event led to a cascade of old trauma resurfacing, begging for my attention, and I couldn’t tuck any of it back in.

At the beginning of 2025, I put my entire business on pause. I hit another iteration of rock bottom, and this time, I was left feeling identity-less, with nothing to hold onto, nothing left to give, and feeling as if I had nothing left to live for.

Placing my business on pause wasn’t just a choice—it was a decision made to offer myself the opportunity to find something to live for.

With the help of my therapist, a select group of practitioners, my husband, and a few of my closest friends, I was able to do just that.

There I was, face-to-face with the most challenging traumas I’ve ever experienced. From unhealthy parenting and family dynamics, to sexual trauma, to a lifetime of being gaslit, and genuine experiences of abandonment… my unconscious became weary of holding it all in and recognized that I was finally in a place where I could see it with support, and without destroying my psyche.

That’s what leads me here, standing at this new threshold in my life where I have the opportunity to build from the ground up from a place of deeply knowing who I am.

I can say with complete certainty that I finally see myself, beyond my trauma. I know the truth about who I am, and I no longer feel a need to defend it.

Reflecting on my life journey, I recognize the various chapters that had me grappling to feel seen, and I hold immense compassion for the younger versions of me that honestly weren’t seen by those around me, and the versions of me that were left feeling insignificant, as if I didn’t matter in this world.

No more shame. No more seeking significance, validation, or approval through the eyes of others. And no more desperate attempts to feel like I matter to others… because I know I fucking matter.

I see and love who I am becoming, and hold profound compassion for all that I am unbecoming. My relentless devotion to healing has led me back home, to myself, and I feel as if I’m meeting myself for the first time.

As I emerge from my healing cocoon, I move slowly, with intention, while fiercely protecting all that I have healed.

As I build myself from the ground up, I do so with no interest in being who I once was or running the business I once had. I see this as an opportunity to build from a place of profound truth and alignment, and in reverence to every version of me that has ever existed. Because every single version of me has guided me here, to this moment, and for that, I am grateful.

I’ve been working as a Certified Life Coach since 2014.

I started sharing videos on my YouTube channel in 2015.

I started producing and running live events in 2016.

I started speaking at other events in 2016.

I started my podcast in 2017.

And I’ve been creating and sharing content online tenaciously from the moment social media was born.

But my true soul work of writing began when I was 12 years old, and my poetry was published in a book when I was 13.

I started blogging in my early twenties and wrote transparently about my life and struggles. The impact of my blog, along with my personal transformative journey, led me to become certified in the traditional art of life coaching in 2014.

But so much has changed within the transformational and personal development space since then, and it feels like the actual depth of transformational work has become lost in a sea of influencers desperately (and perhaps unconsciously) seeking to feel seen because they have yet to do the work to see themselves.

My recent healing journey has brought me home to myself, and I genuinely find it difficult to show up in the same ways that I did before.

This is why I’m guiding myself back to where it all began… writing.

My pursuit of significance, validation, and approval has come to an end.

My desire to feel seen has been replaced by my ability to see myself.

I don’t need my face on everything.

I don’t want you to be like me.

I don’t want the perception of my life to be what you strive for.

I don’t need applause to feel as if I matter.

Because truthfully, I see myself and know who I am, and in this chapter of my life, I’m craving more peace, privacy, meaning, and rootedness. Things are shifting, and rightfully so, because I am not who I was, but I am who I am because of all that I’ve been.

What I desire moving forward is…

To continue sharing pieces of my journey with transparency, with the prayer that it will help you remember who you are.

To share teachings and wisdom that I’ve collected through my years to support you on your individual journey.

To explore my expression and creativity from a state of rootedness, while remaining anchored in my truth, and not influenced by the algorithm.

The only algorithm I wish to follow is that of my heart.

So moving forward, things will be different. More writing. More teaching. More intimacy. More privacy. More depth. And no more playing in the sandbox of influencers.

I’ll be sharing more content here on Substack, ranging from long-form writing like this to Potent Truth’s shared as notes, and a new iteration of my podcast launching in September, available exclusively to paid subscribers (the paid portal will also launch in September). As exciting as it feels to build from the ground up, it’s also been the most humbling experience of my life, and I’m here for it.

#PotentTruth:
If you don’t engage
in the healing work required
to see yourself,
you’ll find yourself
in an endless chase
to feel seen by others.

To you, my beloved community…
Thank you for being here and for standing alongside me on this wild journey.

If you appreciate this article, subscribe and share it with a friend. If you find value in my writing, consider pledging your support by hitting the “PLEDGE YOUR SUPPORT” button at the top right of this page.

With Gratitude,

---

Why Subscribe?

I don’t offer quick fixes—I dive deep into the layers of healing and transformation, unpacking the nuances of leadership and growth through a lens that honors the nervous system and the soul. If you're seeking grounded insights, honest conversations, and a more integrated path forward, you’re in the right place. Subscribers will receive newly written articles directly in their inbox.

*FULL TRANSPARENCY: I occasionally use ChatGPT to assist with article titles; however, all articles are written by me, not generated by AI.

If you appreciate this content, please consider pledging your support.

—

In a digital world overburdened with information, I am deeply humbled that you chose to view my content.

Thank you for being here.

Share Potent Truth with a friend.

Follow me on Instagram.

Grab a copy of my book here.