this isn't a rise in narcissism...
It’s a collective trauma response, and a call for humble, human leadership.
As more people begin to see through the performances in our world, more leaders continue to hide behind their performances to manipulate how they’re perceived. These leaders share picture-perfect images and videos with perfectly crafted captions to lure you into their illusions, and the spaces they hold are filled with projections of their trauma.
It seems like all sense of purpose is gone; instead, it’s replaced with ego. Many are referring to this phenomenon as a rise in narcissism, but what most people don’t understand is this:
Most narcissistic behavior stems from trauma—it’s a trauma response that they unconsciously create for self-preservation purposes.
Humans are built with an unconscious need to survive. While the choice to thrive is conscious, survival is primal. When we endure something traumatic, whether it be a singular event or prolonged exposure, our nervous system reads it as a ‘threat’, activating our trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn). But for those who have been exposed to prolonged trauma or have a history of repeated trauma (i.e. complex trauma), they can experience changes in their behavior and relational patterns, often embodying traits similar to cluster B personality types (antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder).
This is what we’re seeing in the current landscape of transformational work and leadership—a rise of unhealthy behaviors driven by trauma. It’s ironic to witness transformational spaces being led by leaders behaving in such ways, yet it’s becoming more common, and these leaders are leaving behind a trail of traumatized clients.
These leaders are sacrificing their truth in exchange for people-pleasing because of the trauma associated with love, abandonment, and belonging.
These leaders are losing sight of their humanity while placing themselves on pedestals because of the trauma of not feeling seen, heard, or acknowledged.
These leaders are showing up as diluted versions of themselves because of their trauma of feeling as if they are too much or not enough.
These leaders are so driven by their desire for influencership, ‘insta-fame’, and feeling significant that they’ve lost sight of what it means to BE a leader.
This form of leadership is leading humanity head-first into more profound illusions and trauma.
I don’t know about you, but this is NOT what I desire for our new world.
What I desire is…
More truth-telling.
Less people-pleasing.
More humility.
Less ego.
More human-ing.
Less pedestaling.
More compassion.
Less shaming and blaming.
More potency.
Less dilution.
More listening.
Less defending.
More curiosity.
Less judgment.
MORE leadership.
Less influencership.
I desire to see more leaders facilitating transformation work and healing spaces from their hearts, not egos, as humans, not self-proclaimed gurus or experts. This requires a devotion to one’s healing process, yet this is far easier said than done, and here’s why…
The state of our world has become distorted through the lens of our screens. The media we see is fed to us, and the content in our feeds is manipulated to evoke specific reactions that often fuel addiction. Many of us are engaging in this behavior, whether or not we’re aware of it.
We have become complicit in our destruction by foregoing our humanity in exchange for an external sense of significance, approval, and validation.
Many people are cutting corners and bypassing the work to achieve a false sense of acceptance and belonging. Every single social media platform is designed to fuel our addictions, which are byproducts of our trauma, and many are falling into this trap—the trap of significance, approval, and validation (I have an entire chapter on this in my book, Potent Leadership. Grab your copy here).
Which leads me to the question…
Are we seeing a rise in narcissism?
Or are we seeing a greater activation of trauma?
Could this ego-centric behavior be influenced by one’s wounding?
Before we go any further, I must make this one distinction clear:
We can hold compassion for those with narcissistic traits, knowing that their behavior was shaped through trauma as a method of self-preservation. But this does not excuse their behavior or the impact that they have on those around them.
While many may argue that this is a rise in narcissism, I perceive something different—a collective activation of our trauma, triggered by the distortion of information being fed to us through our devices, and by the recent string of events in our world, starting with 2020.
No matter what opinions or beliefs you hold about what’s been unfolding, I believe everyone has felt the impact of these events and the chaos that has since followed. To assume that you weren’t impacted is letting yourself be led by ego, which in turn can transform into the narcissistic behavior we’re currently seeing online… the “I’m better than you, more spiritual than you, more enlightened than you…” behavior that is rampant in the transformational space. Not only is this behavior hurting others, but it’s contributing to a greater sense of divide.
The divide in our world became significantly apparent in 2020 and has progressively worsened. It’s as if our entire collective experienced a massive shock trauma, yet only some are willing to recognize it as such. The rest are choosing to bypass that trauma as an attempt to continue controlling how they’re perceived.
Rather than dive into the underbelly of their trauma, many leaders flaunt their self-perceived gifts, place themselves on pedestals, and capitalize on the trauma of others. They view humility as a weakness and choose instead to armor up, burying their deepest fears beneath a shield of bold claims of strength and resilience. Yet what they fail to understand is that the strongest ones are those who choose to face their trauma, and the most resilient ones are those who choose to heal their trauma.
The bravest ones are those who humbly choose to meet their trauma head-on, journey through the depths of their emotions, and take their time to heal because they understand that leadership isn’t about being the best or external achievements—it’s about embodying everything they teach, preach, and share.
Far too many people in the transformational space are leading with nervous systems that feel threatened, and despite how things may look on the outside, these leaders are surviving, not thriving.
Whether it’s people-pleasing, pedestalizing themselves, diluting their truth, chasing insta-fame, or sacrificing their humanity, these leaders are avoiding their healing work, so they continue to project their trauma into the spaces they lead and the content they share. While they may embody narcissistic characteristics, their behavior is a reflection of how unsafe they feel in this world. We can hold compassion for this while acknowledging the impact of their behavior.
For those who are being led by their trauma and embodying narcissistic qualities, you must humbly recognize your behavior while holding compassion for yourself.
You must acknowledge the trauma that left you feeling so unsafe in this world, so you can begin to break down the armor that stands between you and your healed self.
You must forego your shield of pride for humility and take accountability for your behavior, with the understanding that you can heal.
And in my opinion, humility is where everything begins.
Humility is scarce, yet it is the exact medicine needed to keep us grounded in our humanity.
This isn’t a rise in narcissism but instead a spotlight on the trauma that has become activated within our collective—it’s an invitation for each of us to go inwards before we extend our arms outwards. This is a call for humble, human leadership—for us to embrace the very essence of being human. By doing so, we will cultivate a sense of safety within, which, in turn, will lead to a safer-feeling world.
#PotentTruth:
Narcissistic leadership
is the ego’s attempt
to feel safe in a world
that never was.
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