This isn’t advocacy
How shame, reactivity, and unhealed trauma are deepening our divide.
The division and polarization within our collective seems to be reaching new depths, and honestly, it’s excruciating to witness.
Advocacy has become a performance, and many are losing their humanity, forgetting the fact that there are humans on the other side of their screens.
Watching Instagram stories that are cloaked as advocacy but spread hate…..
Seeing posts by industry leaders and influencers who claim to support humanity but do so by pedestalizing their beliefs while demonizing the other…
Scrolling by the constant shares of videos that show people dying in various wars all around the world, coupled with rage-filled comment threads where people are pushing blame…..
It’s a lot.
And while I may have chosen a “side” in the past, right now, I recognize shadows on all sides. The hate is overwhelming.
As someone who was once very liberal, and then swung the other way in 2020 because my medical freedoms were being challenged, I now find myself in a different space — somewhere beyond both sides — a space that has filled me with more questions than answers.
These past few years have taught me to trust what I feel over what I think, because my thoughts are often influenced by outside sources, whereas my feelings and sensations arise within me as a physiological response to the world around me.
And right now, when I witness what’s happening in our world and within our collective, my body aches with grief.
The online space has become increasingly reactive since 2020. It’s as if we’ve somehow normalized attacking others from the comforts of our screens.
People let their assumptions about others blind them from truly seeing the human in them.
Demonization is being celebrated, with no consideration of how it further deepens our divide.
Shame culture has been woven into our society and is being weaponized. We see this daily in posts that scream, “If you say nothing, you’re part of the problem,” or “Your silence is compliance.”
And while I was very loud in 2020, speaking up and advocating for medical freedom, I’ve since quieted down. Not because I don’t have anything to say, but because of what I’ve been witnessing within myself and our collective.
Yes, I’ve changed, and I’ve been attacked online for quieting my voice online. Last year, I endured online harassment from people trying to persuade me to speak up and advocate for specific events in our world — terrible things. Someone even proceeded to message me countless videos of children dying, telling me to “Watch the videos” and saying things like “How can you not care about children dying?” All of which was taking place during the darkest chapter of my own life — one that had me underresourced and in a state of survival.
Let me be clear…
This is not advocacy. This is shame culture at its worst. This was a grown adult engaging in emotionally insecure behavior to pedestalize their activism as a way of bettering themselves.
True activism does not require proving oneself to others. If you believe in a cause, you stand for it, without needing to shame those around you.
The shaming comes from an insecurity of feeling ungrounded in your actions. It’s like watching kids on a playground, yelling at each other, “I’m better than you because…” This behavior is rooted in trauma, and that trauma is influencing people to react to the world around them, instead of responding to it.
Many people claim to be using their online platforms for good, while in reality, they’re activated as fuck, reacting to the world, shaming others for not speaking up, and projecting their insecurities and trauma onto their followers.
As I mentioned earlier, it’s a lot.
Through my recent long, dark journey through trauma healing, alongside the trauma we’re facing as a collective, and my deep dive into trauma work, I’ve changed. Everything from how I view myself to how I view the world has changed.
I find myself observing more and saying less these days for a few reasons…
I’ve learned to honor my capacity.
What this means is that I do not always have the emotional or energetic capacity to endure others' hate online. My hard, protective exterior has dissipated over the years, and my soft heart desires more boundaries and protection.
I no longer feel a need to prove myself.
Most people will read or view your content through the lens of their own perceptions, shaped by life experiences that have influenced their view of the world around them. This often leads to extreme misjudgment and reactionary attacks. At one point, I felt compelled to prove and defend myself against this misjudgment; now I feel differently. Healing my trauma has helped me drop the need to defend while understanding and accepting who I am.
I understand how I can be of service.
I’d rather focus on bridging the gaps and divisions within myself to support the greater collective. My greatest desire is to serve humanity with the gifts I have to offer. At one point, I truly saw my advocacy and “loud” voice as a way to support our world, but that left me feeling depleted. While I thought I was advocating, I was actually just defending my position, and that’s exhausting. I’ve also found that speaking up online these days can feel like inviting a war against you, and I truly do not want any evil eye on me. I now have a better understanding of how to serve others in ways that fuel me rather than deplete me, and I prefer honoring a depth of service to others over a public-facing service rooted in insecurity.
So as the world gets louder, I feel a desire to step back, reflect on my own thoughts and beliefs, continue healing myself, hold quiet space for others to heal, and remain curious—not defensive, with no need to prove myself.
To anyone feeling the weight and intensity of these times, while also experiencing a desire to pull away from your screens and quiet your voice…
You’re not alone.
Take space to feel into all that is brewing within you. Be curious about your thoughts and beliefs and explore where they came from. Look beyond the sensationalized headlines and ask more questions.
Taking time offline to care for your tender heart, or quieting your voice, does not mean you agree with everything taking place in the world.
The world isn’t black and white. Be brave enough to explore the grey areas in between, and courageous enough to step back and observe what’s happening in our greater collective.
And to those who feel activated by this piece of writing, I encourage you to explore the wounds found within you — the wounds that are influencing you to react. Turn that reaction inwards and meet the parts of yourself that are desperate for your attention.
#PotentTruth:
When morality becomes a performance,
humanity is the first thing we lose.
With Gratitude,
P.S.
Let me know what this sparked within you by sharing a comment below.
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In a digital world overburdened with information, I am deeply humbled that you chose to view my content.
As someone who has walked a very similar—and deeply healing/trauma informed—path over the last four years, and whose biggest concern is the division and polarization in our country, I want to gently offer a couple of thoughts:
We can build longer tables to bridge the gap AND call out injustices.
We can protect our peace AND use our voices.
We can be reflective, ask questions, AND still take a stance.
Opting out isn’t neutral—it’s a privilege that many people simply don’t have.
And candidly, this piece feels like it unintentionally centers your perspective above others (something you’re critiquing here), which can read as condescending. Something to reflect on with the same care you’re inviting from everyone else.