When Being Seen Feels Unsafe

Hypervigilance, trauma, and the long road back to visibility.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been inconsistent with my writing and content creation. I find myself going all in, only to hide again… and it’s a painful cycle to find myself in.

But there’s something at the root of this perceived inconsistency…
A silent battle that I’ve been fighting with the support of my therapist.

It’s a trauma that I’ve been hesitant to share, yet I feel called to share now because doing so may support me in deepening my healing.

“Bad things happen when I’m seen.”
Which also sounds like…
“Being seen is dangerous.”

Before I go any further, I ask that if you choose to comment, please do so with kindness, curiosity, and compassion, not judgment, projection, or assumptions.

There are pieces of my recent trauma journey that I haven’t made public, but these are things I’d like to voice briefly because of my desire to move through this.

Over the past few years, I was stalked, harassed, and had my past brought up in a legal issue, as attempts to “bring me down.”

This is a huge part of why I slowly let go of pieces of my business. Not because I was actually doing something wrong, but because I entered a state of hypervigilance in which I knew my every move online was being watched.

My email and text messaging lists were infiltrated…

My podcast episodes and social media content were being viewed with malicious intent…

And I was receiving hundreds of threatening messages via DM’s and text.

During this chaotic chapter of my life, I also endured the pain of losing my closest facilitators and friends—people I trusted with my life and healing for many years. Not only did I lose them, but they chose to share extremely private information about me with other clients, while gaslighting me during the most vulnerable period of my life, using my trauma against me. This led to the loss of a circle of friends and peers, and also impacted my relationship with a dear client, which was heartbreaking.

Another breach of trust. Hypervigilance increases.

My husband and I were also navigating a horrible lawsuit where we were sued by those responsible for our dog’s death.

“I can’t trust anyone.”

Throughout this time, I was experiencing some of the most debilitating health challenges of my life, which included cognitive dysfunction, memory loss, aphasia, and other physical challenges that made it difficult to walk up the stairs, use my voice, and connect with others.

And with that, it became difficult to trust the mind and body that I once held so much faith in.

Eventually, I lost my ability to work and serve.

My healing became the priority. I’m so grateful I had the support to let everything go, because it gave me the space to focus on piecing myself back together with the help of my therapist.

Eventually, the lawsuit ended.
My health improved.
We moved to Montana.
And today, life is GOOD. Really good.

But my confidence in being seen has been shattered.

I am overwhelmed when I feel visible because my body still perceives this as a threat to my life.

To clarify…
I’m confident in my gifts.
I’m confident in my ability to serve and hold space.

In fact, I feel my service and space-holding skills now have greater depth as a result of all I’ve navigated and my ongoing somatic education.

On the other side of this dark night, I’ve found myself, my truth, and the version of me beyond the perception of who I thought I was…

And I love who I’ve become.

But I’ve become unreliable at marketing my services and creating content.

I’m scared of putting myself out there in the same ways I used to.

I’m scared of people having the worst intentions for me.

I’m scared of people harming or hurting me.

This is why I continue to find myself in a cycle of showing up and retracting… being visible and hiding… creating and disappearing.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve created and launched new offers, only to let them go because I couldn't stay consistent with marketing and visibility. I’d launch with genuine excitement and passion, only to find myself frozen in fear again.

As someone who once supported others in reclaiming their voice and being visible, it’s humbling to find myself here, feeling the residue of fear rippling through my bones and the freeze that sets in when I’m in conversation with others.

From a somatic healing perspective, I’ve been titrating in and out of this space, exploring the edges of being seen, while noticing what happens in my body when I do so. With the support of my therapist, I’ve connected this back to my family trauma and a history of gaslighting and abandonment.

But despite all of my efforts, this feels like a sticky piece of my healing journey. I’ve made huge strides, but I’m struggling to fully move through this.

There was a time during this dark night when I couldn’t even leave my house or see other people... so I hid in the safety of our home. And while I can now leave my house and socialize in small amounts today, I still struggle. For example, I still cannot go to the gym by myself and only go alongside my husband.

I’m voicing this now because I am ready to heal this. I am ready to move forward in this new chapter with more ease in my body and my business. And by sharing this, I am meeting another edge of my fear of being visible.

As I write this, I feel the fear rippling through my bones… the hyper-vigilance causing constriction in my gut… and the worries creating a collapse in my spine.

I’m scared that I’m putting myself in harm’s way by sharing this, and that many of you will unfairly judge me, hurt me, and attempt to take me or my business down.

Yet at this point in my healing, I’ve created enough capacity to push the edge further and voice this. I’m not overriding myself—I’m meeting where I am in my healing process and have made the conscious intention to share this.

Not for sympathy, and not for unsolicited advice, but for compassionate support and to be witnessed.

I’m ready to put myself and my work back out there, but in a different way…

Because I’m no longer seeking notoriety. I don’t need more followers or subscribers. I don’t need to get back to the same level of perceived success.

What I yearn for is to be of service again and to support others in the sincerest ways—to put my new scope of practice into practice and to embody the healing that I’ve done.

And to be transparent…

I have a lot of debt incurred from this healing journey that I’d like to pay off. Being of sincere service is the best way for me to reconnect with my purpose while rebuilding a much-needed safety net.

I don’t know exactly what I’m asking for with this share, and perhaps as I mentioned earlier, my ask is simply to be seen and witnessed in my truth.

But if this has stirred anything within you, let me know.

And if you are someone who navigates the crippling effect of hyper-vigilance… You’re not alone. I see you.

#PotentTruth:
The fear of being seen is often the memory
of what happened when you were.

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With Gratitude,

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I believe healing is less about fixing and more about remembering. In our work together, we honor the wisdom of your body and create the safety needed for that wisdom to emerge. I don’t force change—I attune to you, meeting you where you are and guiding you at a pace that feels right.

Through compassion, presence, and a whole-body approach, we gently unwind the imprints of trauma, restore flow, and return to the truth of who you are.

I offer private and group client experiences, in-person sessions, Zoom sessions, equine-assisted Somatic Experiencing®, and relational bodywork.

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