trauma + evolution
Who you are beyond your trauma healing is far different than who you once were.
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The War on Humanity
A Season of Death
A Confession
The 4 Phases of Your Awakening Journey
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My recent journey with trauma has deeply impacted my life, my leadership, and my business. There have been many days where I’ve struggled to recognize who I am today because I was so accustomed to being who I was.
Trauma changes you. Who I am beyond this trauma is far different than who I was.
“The paradox of trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to transform and resurrect.”
-Dr. Peter Levine
From being in the spotlight to tucking myself away into the background… Healing through this recent trauma has been a journey of painfully unraveling every single identity that I’ve held in relationship to my business and my success.
Through this journey of unraveling, I’ve also been reflecting on what is true for me at this stage of my life, and what is simply a trauma response.
Hiding is a trauma response.
Operating in the background is a current truth.
Freezing is a trauma response.
Letting it all fall apart is a current truth.
Isolating is a trauma response.
Solitude is a current truth.
Hyper-vigilance is a trauma response.
Slowing down is a current truth.
Holding things back is a trauma response.
Practicing discernment concerning what I share is a current truth.
Reacting is a trauma response.
Responding is a current truth.
Unworthiness is a trauma response.
Humility is a current truth.
I’ve realized that as confident as I have previously felt in the spotlight, this is something I no longer desire. This recent traumatic experience has impacted my confidence (which I am slowly rebuilding) but it has also led me into a deeper sense of humility.
I’ve realized that the depth of my service and how I leave people feeling matters more than anything–including optics, algorithms, and numbers.
I’ve realized that as much as I am in control, there’s also so much that is outside of my control and that the only one who truly knows is God.
I’ve realized that many of the relationships that I’ve held onto have been ones that hold me in the very same ancestral trauma cycles that I am seeking to break.
I’ve realized that no matter how grounded I’ve felt with my social media use, it’s been easy for me to fall into the very trap that I’ve warned my community and clients about in my book–the trap of seeking significance, validation, and approval–all of which leads me further away from God’s truth.
I’ve realized that I get to practice greater discernment concerning what I share and that the focus of what I share is to be of service.
I’ve realized that this truly isn’t MY Dharma, but that it’s the Dharma that God sees for me and that this is all so much bigger than myself or my needs.
I’ve realized that trauma work is part of my Dharmic work and that this will shift all of my offerings and how I show up in all spaces.
I’ve realized that as sovereign as I’ve believed myself to be, this sense of sovereignty has also led me astray from Him and further into the grip of illusion.
I’ve realized that this next evolution in my leadership is one where I am truly being led by God.
As I continue to be flooded with realizations on this journey, I continue to bow my head with reverence and humility to God for illuminating the way through this trauma.
From striving to be seen to finally seeing myself through God’s eyes.
There is so much evolution taking place within myself, my life, and the spaces where I choose to serve and create. And while there is no real ‘result’ that I have attached myself to, there is a true sense of trust and allowing.
I’m allowing the previous versions of myself to die.
I’m allowing space for what’s to come, without force.
And I’m fully trusting the process because I know it can only be led by God.
Meeting who I am beyond this trauma has been the most potent journey of my life thus far—one that has had me feeling the depths of grief while unraveling from all that I once thought myself to be. This journey has gifted me the sight to see myself, as if for the first time. And it is this very gift that is helping me be more present with what is (and not what was.)
I share this reflection with you today as an encouragement to honor your evolution. While many leaders continue to lead with ego and share illusionary constructs, I’m here to help you dismantle those illusions so you can remember who you truly are while reconnecting to something greater than yourself.
Wherever you are on your journey, be there now.
And while you cannot change what happened to you, you can allow yourself to be transformed and resurrected by healing your trauma.
Embrace what is true for you today, despite it looking or feeling different than where you once were.
As you heal, you will change.
Who you are beyond your trauma is not who you were before your trauma.
And in those painful moments of unraveling, lean in and trust that God has you, because He does.
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